Cookies Wont Do

Im getting better at posting!! You should all be very proud! Well.. yesterday started the first day of my spring break! I cannot even begin to explain how excited I am to not have to go to school! They did however give me plenty of homework to fill my time up with, because I couldnt imagine doing anything besides homework on this glorious week away from school! This break isnt what has been consuming my thoughts lately, however exciting a break may be, this is much much better. Well two things really..

I'll start with the bad. I am currently in a choir called the OCMCO. Its a fabulous organization, one in which I have been a part of since last September. We had a christmas concert that was so thrilling to be a part of, and I was so grateful to have music like that back in my life. I was so reluctant to leave the amazing high school choir I was blessed to have, so this was a breath of fresh air since that sad parting. They practice every thursday evening, with the occassional saturday rehersals when our concerts get closer. Like I said, I loved it at first. We have a concert coming up on March 21st, and that will be my final performance with the OCMCO. I am trying to be as positive as possible because I dont want people to get the impression that I find myself better than those in the choir, because that isnt the case at all. I am getting frustrated at the lack of commitment however, because it takes so long to get the members to follow directions, especially when it comes to our memorization schedule. I just find that the choir is more for people looking to get out of the house for an evening to themselves. There isnt anyone that is my age, and I am just getting a little tired of driving to newport every thursday when I have pressing homework issues that need more attention. I loved the time I had with this organization at our christmas concert, and my best wishes to them in their future endeavors.

Now to the best part of my life. My mother and Collin Im sure will roll their eyes at that last sentence, because I havent stopped talking about this amazing opportunity. Life is all about connections, and I find myself constantly saying "Its not what you know, but who you know." That phrase should be the slogin for the music world I am up against. As many of you know, I am an avid singer. Its my passion, its my joy, and its through music that I find the most peace. I have wanted for some time to do something with my voice, but there have been acouple obstacles causing me to really contemplate how badly I want it. I eventually decided that if it was meant to be, things would kind of fall into place. You need your foot in the door somehow, and I just decided that if my foot was meant to be in the door then it would happen... someone somewhere would help me. So Ive just been singing in church hopeing that someone in the audience would like me enough to help me out. Like I said, its all about connections within this vicious world. I get asked to sing in various wards in the area, but its mainly just been in my own stake. Then one day, a lady from a neighboring stake called and asked if I would sing in her ward, explaining that she had heard from someone she works with that I was good. I went, and I guess I struck a cord with her because she praised me for it continuously, admitting that she didnt think I was going to be that great, but yet I proved her wrong. Not to toot my horn... because this is starting to sound like that. So moving on... Long story short, this kind kind woman forwarded me an email for a competition going on in Salt Lake City, UT this summer, encouraging me to attend. I cant even begin to describe in words how grateful I am for this opportunity. Had it not been for this connection, I would have never found out about this... ever. I honestly dont know what my chances are of winning this thing because I know there are so many wonderfully talented singers out there, but its the experience that I am looking forward to most. Its a weekend full of classes and talks with some of my idols... Hilary Weeks, Tyler Castleton, Jenny Phillips... There are only 150 people admitted into this amazing program, so I definately jumped at the offer. I get the chance to spend a half hour with either Tyler Castleton, or Jenny Phillips, in a recording studio. I get one on one critique on my improvements, and my honest chances in this competitive world. That opportunity doesnt just come to everyone, so I am at a loss of words... Regardless of my success in the actual competition, I will walk away with more confidence and a better feel for what it would be like. I will walk away with just the opportunity to be in the same room as these creative geniuses. I will get the chance to ask them personally, some questions that have been on my mind for awhile. I just cant believe it! Cookies just wont do as a thank you to this woman...

A beautiful service

I just thought I would get on here quick because the week is going to be crazy and I know I wont be able to get on here any other time. I just have a lot of tests and papers.. in pretty much every class. I wish there was such thing as boycotting in school.

Yesterday I attended my grandpas funeral, and I have to admit that it was a beautiful service. Afterward, Collin even said he got a little chocked up. It was one of those things where they were all paying tribute to their dad, making you reflect on people you love dear in your own life. It didn't matter if you didn't know the man, you could still get something out of it.. even if what you got was just to show more appreciation to those you love. That was definitely something that I took from the service. The whole ride home I kept thinking about my moms parents and how dear they are to me. I even called their house and told my grandpa that I loved him, because I just couldn't get it out of my head. The first part of the funeral was extremely awkward, and I cant really talk about it without crying.. just to prove how bad it was. Collin could not have been better.. I was so grateful to have him there with me, and there were numerous times when I just looked at him in awe because he was dealing with it all so coolly; he was dealing with my nerves so coolly. I cant even express how grateful I was for that. The only awkward part was at the beginning of the service, and if you want to know more you can ask me elsewhere because I am just afraid to be posting this for everyone to see, but that awkwardness was enough to handle. However, the service was beautiful and staring at that coffin made it so real.. I will never see that man again, and I was so bothered that I was crying.. but once I saw that coffin the tears wouldn't stop. Especially when my cousin Mikie got up to say a few words.. I was a mess because that was his dad. My grandfather raised him and he even said that that was his best friend that he just lost.. so that broke me. I felt for him deeply.. because for him it was an extreme loss. It was soo wonderful to see that whole family though because some of them haven't seen me since I was 12. They hardly recognized me, so it was really nice to catch up with everyone. Collin and I left at around 9am and we didn't arrive in coto until about 6pm.. and even though I was scared I can honestly say that I enjoyed my day, and it didn't really seem that long.

Here's to a week full of accomplishments.. I'm excited to start digging into it even though I have no idea how I will actually make it. This is my last week before spring break though, so I'm really excited!! Wish me Luck!

Death

I walked away satisfied with my last entry, but then of course I felt bad for not mentioning something that some might be interested to know about. Yes, its a quality I don't like about myself; the ability to feel bad over everything.. but especially this situation. I wont go into much for fear that some people read this without me knowing that they read it, but out of respect I thought I should give a little moment to him.. I figured I could do that. My Grandpa Dave died tonight around 7pm. It was a fluke thing for me because I didn't think it was true that colon cancer worked hard and fast. It is true though because he was only diagnosed about 2 weeks ago. He had an extensive surgery last Sunday that didn't go as well as they would have liked, and I am under the impression that he has been on life support this whole week. That's how they made it seem. My Grandma Bun I guess was trying to decide what to do, but then at around 2pm today she just decided that it was best if he go back to the Lord because it was apparent that no miracles were happening. They said he wasn't in pain, which is always a comfort, and having from about 2-7 to be with him.. I think that is a blessing all in itself because not many people are given that opportunity. I look back at the blessing it was to have been with my Grandpa Mac at thanksgiving time..just to sit with him and help feed him. I will always remember that because it was so special.. we all knew that that would be the last time we spent with him, and it is amazing the difference in that day knowing that that was the last time. I can only imagine what it must have been like for that family because I know that he was a big support to them, both emotionally and financially. I have been beating myself up all day today because I haven't really cried. I should probably not go into that part though..again for fear of my readers. I found out about his diagnosis from my cousin Lindy, with whom I talk to often, and she encouraged me to call him because she said it would mean a lot to him. I debated with it for awhile because I wasn't sure what I would say. I was extremely nervous actually.. because I haven't really ever talked to him. I didn't know exactly what would happen. I ended up just biting the bullet and calling and wow.. I didn't know how much that would mean to him. He cried, and thanked me, and we had a wonderful conversation where I tried to calm his fears because he definitely was scared.. I could hear it in his voice. I told him about all the people who loved him, and about how lucky he was to have such a big support group. I told him about the power of prayer and how grateful he should be to have a power like that in his hands, and in the hands of all those who love him. I talked a lot, maybe out of nerves.. but I am grateful for that. If anything, I feel good about myself that despite the sticky situation and despite my personal feelings.. I just put it aside and made a phone call that I am sure he will always remember, because I know I will always remember it. He was very loyal to his family, and I know they will always remember him. I will be attending the funeral this Saturday morning..... Yes, I am bringing Collin, and I was happy that he volunteered... I think my crying about nerves is what did it.. but I am happy that I will have him there with me.. I just hope that it turns out ok. I just hope that no one focuses on me.. that they will all be consumed with morning so as not to notice that I am there. I just don't want all the questions about why I haven't been there in so long.. I don't want the questions that I have no nice answers to. I just want to go and pay my respects to a man, of whom I am sure was a great man. If anything, I am just sad I didn't get the chance to know him like I have always wanted...

Still Smiling

well.. Ive gotten some complaints as to my frequency of blogs. I have to say, I found that complaint rather funny because the reason I have been avoiding this thing is because all I have had to say has been negative things. I definitely don't want my family reading about all the negative things going on, so I guess I should keep up on this just to keep the positive juices flowing, and you know, to comfort my fans.

Stories. Everyone loves a good story. I especially like funny stories, but I am about to tell a rather gross one. I don't know if any of you enjoy IHOP. Its ok to admit that you do, because quite frankly before I heard this I was in love with that Belgian waffle of theirs, especially with strawberries on top. I am not saying that you shouldn't go to IHOP anymore, but maybe just don't go to the one in Rancho Santa Margarita anymore. In fact I think that's a wise decision of you. We are boycotting the RSM IHOP as of now. Saturday night, my family, minus me, went to IHOP for dinner. That's the greatest thing in the world, to have breakfast for dinner, I always feel as if I am breaking some unwritten rule. Speaking of unwritten rules... well I should finish with this first. My family gets their food, and they all start chowing down. Everyone is half way through their food when my little 8 year old sister asks my mom about a mysterious object in her pancake. My mom glances over and just tells her it must be part of her hash browns. My sister, not being satisfied with that answer, starts investigating the object a little further, and discovers that it is.... A WORM!!! This is definitely one of those situations where you think that this happens to everyone but yourself, because I never thought these things really did happen. Its like when you believe in movie stars, but until you really see them face to face you don't really believe they exist like they do. I just found this to be the most disgusting thing I have ever heard. In her pancake!!! Not on, or near, or laying beside... but within the batter of the pancake! And to think she could have eaten it thinking it was just merely the hash brown mingling among other foods! I cant even believe it still, and Ive already heard the story enough.. gosh.. so boycott we must. We cannot even think about the Belgian with the strawberries oozing off the top, because right after that thought, should be the thought of worms. Gross worms. Boycott.

So, unwritten rules. This week in sociology we got talking about a very interesting subject. The topic for the week was "Social Norms." Basically, it was about all the unwritten rules in society that we all know about.. but they aren't written down anywhere, and when you break them people look at you like you've grown antlers. For instance, you walk in an elevator and you face the wall. People would stare at you funny because there seems to be this rule that while in elevators you have to constantly be looking at the door, like you are willing it to open at your floor. You definitely cant stare at the wall, that is against the rule. In public you can definitely file your nails and people wouldn't think twice, but when you start to clip them... well then people have definite issues. That is completely against the rules. Licking your fingers isn't acceptable either, accept when you have chocolate on them, then it seems to be something normal. When someone says "Hey, how are you?," you never answer with real answers because they aren't looking for them. Your job is to just reply with, "fine. how are you?" The min. you change it up with answering "Bad" or "worst day of my life," they wont know what to do with you. Have you noticed too, that some people wont even wait for you to reply, and they are just right onto their response, proving to you that they weren't paying the least bit attention. I just think these things are so funny. So, this post requires participation from these complaining fans of mine (and yes, that includes you too grandma). I want to know of some more social norms in your life. I want to know about the silly things you have rules about, because I know there are different ones depending on where you live. Be creative.

I am still just living the dream. I am still plunking away at school... Keep me in your prayers because UCI needs some positive influences on letting me in! I hear by the end of April, and April is fast approaching us. I am still completely in love. I am still losing plenty of sleep because of studying. My hand is still cramping from all the note taking. I am still teaching Relief Society. I am still only wearing workout clothes to school, regardless of the fact that I haven't been going to the gym every day. I am still trying my best to do my best. I am still smiling.