Let time stand still

Is it just me-or did 2007 zoom past us all?? I cannot believe that in a couple days it will already be a whole new year. I remember my mother telling me about the speed of time, and how with age time only got faster. I thought it was just an adult thing; that with more responsibilities and fewer hours of free time, time just sped right past us. A sad discovery: Its happening to everyone. What is different now that even children are recognizing this strange phenomena? So with time speeding up, I decided to slow down. I have 4 weeks off for break. Well, now it is only 2. Ask me what I have done...Yes, absolutely nothing. It feels wonderful. I wake up, get dressed, watch Law & Order, do a couple more things, get back in bed. I have never felt such luxury. I made myself a promise before the break started. I promised myself I would find my center again. This whole year has been nothing but school for me, and with that comes a lot of stress. For those who know me fondly, you know I am a very stressful person. With stress comes unease, therefore bringing me away from my center. It sounds strange, but this is how I work. I have to feel right, and I have to feel like I am in control of my emotions. So the Law & Order, and endless hours in pajamas, are helping me find that control again. I think its working.

The one productive thing I have done thus far would have to be spending my Christmas money. It was very easy to do once I slipped on the most perfect jeans in the world. I think they are called designer for a reason. I swore to myself that I would never enter that world, but jean shopping for me is never an easy thing, so when I tried on the 20th pair and they fit like a glove.... I couldn't say no. I'm just proud that I actually made it to the 20th pair without any tears. I was close though. Good thing Collin is a very patient man. Santa is to thank for the beautiful denim. It was a fun outing. Me, Carson, and Max, all got gift certificates to various stores within our local mall. The day after Christmas was the specific day chosen for the purchases, without the knowledge that everyone else in the world was thinking the same thing. Yes, mother tried to warn us. It took about 15 min. to find a parking space, which I thought was pretty good considering my lack of aggressiveness while driving. We walked many miles, took many stairs, and stood in ridiculous lines. All for the sales. Its amazing the sacrifices you make, such as the invasion of your personal space, to save a buck or two. There wasn't one square inch of that mall where a human being wasn't present. I found that incredible. I never knew there could be so many people crammed into such tiny places. The bonding was well worth the experience though. I learned things about my brothers that only a trip to the mall can bring out. Max looks good in pumps.

Still Living

For those worried..I am alive..barely. Between finals and wisdom teeth, I have been slightly moving. Thankfully finals are over with, but the swollen cheeks are still looking gorgeous. Unfortunately my two lower teeth were completely impacted and laying directly on my nerve line. They had to expose the nerve to be able to remove them successfully, resulting in a numb chin for Elyse. They say the feeling should come back in about a month haha so no big deal. People always say that wisdom teeth are deadly, and now i know exactly what they mean. It hurts. Bad. This is going to be a short entry due to low energy, but I just wanted to let you know that I haven't forgotten about you. As soon as I am able to be creative again I will continue on with my stories, but unfortunately this medication takes all the humor out of me. haha or maybe it just gives me weird humor. Today I was in the grocery store with my mom and I was trying to tell her to purchase the Peanut Butter Crunch cereal. I was laughing hysterically while customers around us couldn't stop staring...for some reason the words "peanut butter crunch" sounded extremely funny. And no, my mother didn't agree. Now that I think about it, this whole experience has been rather funny. I got them pulled last Friday, and there isn't much I remember about the early events of the day. All i remember saying is that I was really tired, and then I woke up with my Mom and Collin staring at me as if I might do something crazy. I asked them what was wrong and they started laughing about how crazy I had been. Supposedly the anesthesia didn't ware off right away and I was saying and doing things out of the ordinary. For instance, my love fern. I told them probably five times to go water it and then started crying because no one was doing it, but Collin really was the whole time. Every time Collin told me to lay down I would cry that I couldn't. I kept asking for corn chowder, and then when they told me they didn't have any, I would look at Collin and ask him if that was why he was mad. Three years ago Collin slammed a door in our choir room, and I kept making references to that event, as if he was slamming doors out of frustration for the lack of corn chowder. I didn't know what my phone was. And to top it off-I started bawling because Jesus Died!!!! hahah!! I still cant stop laughing about it. I asked everyone if they loved Jesus, and then started bawling crying because Jesus died. Wow-talk about a crazy lady! Good thing I have more of my brain back! well..That's all i have to say for now. I hope everyone is having a good start to this wonderful holiday season. Once these beautys go away I will definately enjoy it with you.

Here's To You

Siblings. As the oldest I have a sort of protective watch over them all, without them realizing it. I miss them more and more the busier I get, again without them realizing it. Today I had a very morbid thought. What would I want them to know if I wasn't here to tell them? What could I say that might help them once they get to where I'm at? What would I say? Automatically I thought back to the night previous when me and Collin were at target. I fell upon a song I hadn't heard in a long time, and with it a women's dedication to her children. I cant get the words out of my mind, and I cant get this message of mine to leave either. So, here is to you dear children...here are my thoughts, feelings, and guidance, all wrapped up into "I hope you Dance" by Lee Ann Womack.

"I hope you never lose your sense of wonder.."- Try not to look at the world differently than you do now. It should always be wonderful, just as you are. It should always hold promise, just like you do. It should always teach you new things...always.

"You get your fill to eat, but always keep that hunger.." - I don't ever want you to go hungry, but I want you to hunger for everything. Hunger for knowledge, hunger for truth, hunger for friendships...Never feel you have enough, always keep that hunger for more; always keep striving to gain more.

"May you never take one single breath for granted.."- Life is too short. Wake up excited, wake up grateful, wake up with purpose. You have been given your breath as a gift, so take advantage it. Make each breath count.

"I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean.."- Among all the beauty, among the billions of stars and billions of creations, I hope you always know your place. I hope you always appreciate the millions of miles of ocean and the thousands of creatures within it. Always know your place, but always know that regardless of the thousands of stars and regardless of how small you might feel at times..Know that they have nothing on you. Your importance in this world, your place in this world..Lets just say that we cant live without you.

"Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens.."- Doors open. Doors close. Doors stay open just a crack. You answer them, but then again you don't have to answer them. Always know that there are many possibilities. Always know that its up to you which road you choose; its up to you which door you open. When one doesn't work out, you move on to the next and you learn from it. You learn, you change, you open, you close...always an experience; always an opportunity. It may be better than before, but then again it might be...the choice is yours.

"Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance.."- Faith. Never be without it. It keeps life hopeful, it keeps you happy...it's kept me hopeful, and its kept me happy. Have faith in your happiness. Just have faith.

"I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance.."- There is never a mountain that you cant climb; there is never a challenge that you cant conquer. It might look gigantic up close, but the "one step at a time" approach has always worked for me. Let it work for you. There is no mountain too high for you. Never forget that.

"Never settle for the path of least resistance.."- Just as there is no challenge you cant conquer, there are no challenges you should turn away. Its in your deepest moments, or deepest struggles, that the Lord can mold you into the person you are to be. Its in those moments that you experience growth. Let the growth come. Embrace the challenge.

"Living might mean taking chances, but they're worth taking.."- Take the opportunities. Take the chances. Take it all.

"Loving might be a mistake, but its worth making.."- To love and be loved are one of life's blessings. Love everyone, and let yourself be loved. You are worth it. You deserve it. Love will hurt you at times, and love will lift you at times. You learn either way; you learn about yourself either way. Don't hold back. Be yourself. Open your heart.

"Don't let some bent heart leave you bitter, when you come close to selling out, reconsider.."- We all get hurt. We all know how it feels. I cant reassure you that it will be good, because it just stinks. I can only tell you that life throws you things you cant handle at times, but if you stick through it..If you stick through it, life can bring you such joy. Find the joy. To be bitter only takes more work. Never give up. Never sit out. Find the joy.

"Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance.."- God. Never be without Him. Never spend a night without prayer. Always stay grateful. There is too much confusion in the world to do it alone. Never do it alone.

"And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance..I hope you dance."- Feel the music. Always be yourself. Never sit life out. Don't let people convince you that you should either. Dance as if no one was watching, sing as if no one is listening, and laugh as if you have never laughed before. Take in the moments. Know that no matter what, you are a person of worth; you are brilliant. Know that I love you.

Lessons Learned

I've come to the conclusion that my entries are to be dedicated to the lessons that I learn. Regardless of the familiarity of each motion within my days, there should be something that I always get out of them; some blessing that comes. Its amazing how quickly your perspective can change when you have that in mind. It is such a blessing to be able to look at my days with that type of perspective.

Perspective. Books have changed my perspective. I speak of one book in particularly. I still sit in awe at the magic held in its pages. I fell upon it by accident too, but as I look over my quote list (I loved it that much), I have to wonder if it was really by accident. I don't know why I'm choosing to write about it today because I finished the book many months ago, but its words have never left me; today they linger longer than normal. The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. Its a simple story with inspiring words. It is about a shepherd boy on a journey. Along the way he meets several people that help direct him on this quest. I love how the book describes itself by saying, "But what starts out as a journey to find worldly goods turns into a discovery of the treasures found within.....is an eternal testament to the transforming power of our dreams and the importance of listening to our hearts." I think that is why this book is touching me deeply now. Its mainly because I'm in search of my personal legend. I am that shepherd boy trying to get through the journey, and am constantly transforming my thoughts to better myself; to better accomplish my goals. I am finding treasurers within. Everyday I am finding treasurers within. Today as I read over my list of favorite lines, one part touches me more now than I think it did when I first copied it...

"...It's not that I'm reading the future; i am guessing at the future. The future belongs to God, and it is only he who reveals it, under extraordinary circumstances. How do I guess at the future? Based on the omens of the present. The secret is here in the present. If you pay attention to the present, you can improve on it. And if you improve on the present, what comes later will also be better. Forget about the future, and live each day according to the teachings, confident that God loves his children. Each day, in itself, brings with it an eternity."

I plan. I think. I mull over my thoughts. No one has ever suggested that I stop thinking about my plans, and stop worrying about 5 years from now. I always thought I was being efficient, and that I was being responsible. Today was the first day that I sat and thought about the craziness in it all. That excerpt, to me, brings so much insight into my life. "The secret is here in the present." There are lessons to be learned in each day that comes. There is so much that I can focus on in the here and now that will in turn better my future. I've been looking so far ahead that Ive been getting impatient with the present. I should be grateful for the present; I should be grateful for the lessons in the now. With my present improved, my future will be improved also..I love that concept. This is a new idea however, so I cant promise it will be put into action right away, but the thoughts are here now. I am thinking over this new change, and I know it wont be easy. Changing my thought process is a very hard thing to do, but I see so much more joy in this new way of thinking. Like I said, I'm getting impatient with my present because I'm so far in the future...I need to breath and just live in the moment. I need to take in all that each day has to offer me. The Lord tries to teach me, and with me so far ahead of Him I am missing out on His great wisdom. I have lots of lessons to learn.

"...every day was the same, and when each day is the same as the next, its because people fail to recognize the good things that happen in their lives every day that the sun rises."

Each day brings its blessings. Each day brings its lessons. Its time to wake up every morning thankful for that. Its time to go about life looking for something to learn from it, not looking for something to receive. Each day that the sun rises I have good that comes, and now it is up to me to find it. What will I learn tomorrow? Many lessons to learn.

Among the Great

Today I was sitting in one of my many English Literature classes and the teacher was speaking of a very famous poet who had little to be happy about, and how this unhappiness came through in what he wrote. She then proceeded to point to people at random and ask them what made them happy. I tried diligently to think of something intellectual, I mean we are in English literature for crying outloud..but nothing came to mind, so I just tried not to make eye contact. I walked out of class, and I kept thinking about her lecture. What would I have said if she pointed at me? I would have said my family, but someone had already said that. I would have said my faith, but someone stole that one too. I would have even said school, but dont worry, someone else was also trying to be a brown-noser. So there I was, with no creative happiness. The concept of happiness never left me as I went throughout the various motions of my wednesdays....

I had an unexpected break between a couple classes today that left me with enough time to actually eat a full sandwhich and read. I was sitting there eating the best bagel sandwhich in the world, when I wanted nothing more than to talk to my mom. I called her up and we just talked. She told me about her day, I told her about mine, and I hung up the phone happy. My mom makes me happy. Regardless of our differences, she gets me. She laughs with me when no one else will. We have these moments, and my description of them wont be nearly as good, but we get laughing so hard that we cant speak. Somehow throughout the laughing spirt however, we rehash the entire scenario to eachother, making us laugh even harder. In these moments you cant even understand our words because they dont make any sense, but thats the funny part because they make perfect sense to us. Everyone watching must be thinking we are completely retarded, but we find ourselves hilarious. I love that. I love that sense of humor that she brings out of me. I love my mom. I love her confidence. I love her dedication and drive for things. She knows what she wants, and i admire that greatly. Sometimes I look at her and think of how I got so lucky, and how I cant possibly deserve her, but then I pause and thank my Heavenly Father because hes given me an incredible mother; an incredible example. Someone made a comment not too long ago, referring to me not being able to leave home. My mom jokingly said that I would be able to, but she would be getting calls more than once a day. I laughed with them, but in the quiet of my room I could do nothing but cry. I could never be without her. My mother; my best friend.

I went through another class after my conversation with my mom, but i kept thinking about happiness. I kept thinking about people, besides her, that made me happy. As I thought, a violent rush of gratitude came over me. The Lord knew exactly what I needed, and who I needed around me to help me reach my full potential. I come from a family full of greatness.

A family of greatness...I do come from a family of greatness. I also come from a family of great women. After my conversation with my mom, I got to thinking of all the women within my family. My grandma. I do love my grandma. She lives exactly one mile away from my house, and I have her phone number memorized to the exact tone the numbers make when you press them. One of my favorite things to do is to call her for no reason. Regardless of her being so close, I find that life gets in the way, and there are moments when I just miss her. I look forward to our talks..sometimes about absolutely nothing, but creating memories nonetheless. Tonight my little brother wanted to give my grandma M&M's, and so we drove to her house but he promptly fell asleep upon entering his carseat. It left me with my grandma to myself, just talking. I made a comment about having to toot my own horn once in awhile to keep my confidence up, but once I got in the car to return home, I got that violent rush of gratitude..Who needs to toot their own horn, when you have a grandma to do it for you. I get my love for reading from her. She has the most amazing book collection, and regardless of the many books she has, she could tell you about every character within every story. Her memory is spotless. Her heart enormous. I love my grandma.

I feel that life has many lessons to offer. I also feel that in the day to day world, if you find every day to be the same as the last, it only means that you arent looking for the blessings each day has to offer. My blessing for today was happiness; happiness found through the women closest to me. I will go to sleep tonight thankful for the thoughts created today; thoughts of gratitude for my family. I am full of gratitude, and deeply humbled, to be part of these generations of good. My place? I am the third generation full of nothing but immense gratitude; grateful to be among the great.

Nobody but me

To be an incredible person, you have to surround yourself with incredible people. I felt this picture was the perfect example of incredible. I love pictures when you know everyone captured is really smiling. Sometimes you get the half-smile, or the fake smile; rarely ever do you get the real smiles. We look happy. I know we feel happy. Its just good to be happy. He brings out the real smile within me. He makes me happy.


A couple days ago a friend of mine posed this question. "What do you believe in?" He wasn't really asking me because he wanted to hear my answer, but rather for me to really think about it. It seems as if the more you know who you are, the more capable you are of presenting yourself to the world. I'm constantly getting to know myself, and as I walk this long journey, I want to be true to myself also. I don't want those around me to ever question who I am, and what I stand for. Now, the first approach to this question, and the first that comes to mind, is religious views. I wanted to take it a step further however, and think about what I believe in as a person; what makes me me. I believe that Oreo's can solve many issues. I was having a bad day, but once that Oreo hit my lips, it was all better. I believe you should never categorize people. There are so many groups that we put others in, without even knowing them; I would rather we just all be great people, and call it a day. I believe in me. I think everyone should be happy in their own skin, and proud of who they are. With me, I'm just proud of who I'm becoming. I believe in love. Love changes people, as it has me, and I relish in the hopeful outlook it brings with it. I believe in smiling. Its amazing what a simple smile can do to warm someone up. I believe in always having a good eraser. Its ok to make mistakes. And I believe in always trying your best.


In my last post I referred to an incredible quote. Though I haven't organized my thoughts completely, I still cant go without mentioning it. There are things in life that give us powerful moments, and within those powerful moments we accomplish great things. Whether its an inspiring talk, a song, a person...it moves us to do better; to try harder. Lately this quote has been festering within me, it hasn't moved me to do great things yet, but it is sure trying to. What I love most about the movie, is the scene surrounding the quote. After having Akeelah recite the quote aloud, Dr. Larabee asks....
Dr. Larabee: Does that mean anything to you?
Akeelah: I don't know.
Dr. Larabee: It's written in plain English. What does it mean?
Akeelah: That I'm not supposed to be afraid?
Dr. Larabee: Afraid of what?
Akeelah: Afraid of... me?
I cant be afraid of myself. I am beautiful, brilliant, ambitious, kind...I am a child of God whose worth is beyond expression. Whose to say I cant reach my full potential; nobody but me. How powerful. How powerful that type of thinking can be. With all the trials and doubts that are put among me, how powerful it is to pause and ask myself, "who are you not to be?." Nobody is stopping me from reaching the stars; nobody but me.

"The good life, as I conceive it, is a happy life"

I distinctly remember telling my aunt that I wouldn't be posting blogs that often. I remember saying that I didn't have exciting things that happened, and quite frankly I just didn't have time. Well, I lied. Ive had this thing for two days, and we are on our 3rd post. I have issues. Really I think it is just because Ive been sitting at this computer for an hour, and haven't gotten very far on my papers, so I'm taking a break and somehow ended up here. again haha. Sundays are always my favorite day. Its the one day I get to sleep in, and its the one day I really dress up, and I get the pleasure of going to church. Today was a very special day too because I fit in my skinny dress! I know every girl has one, whether its the skinny jeans or the inspirational swim suit. Usually people just have one to inspire them, with me I have the jeans, suit, and dress. I felt extremely good slipping into it! Although it was a lot of pressure to wear because I wanted to look my best, so the entire day I have been trying to think "skinny" thoughts. I hope it worked.

I find it so incredible how the mood in the world can change so quickly. Its only the 2nd day of December and I can already feel the difference within the attitudes of others. It really feels like Christmas too, especially as you drive around and see all the Christmas lights. For some reason I want to make this Christmas very special. I feel as though 2007 never happened, and so as we quickly approach the end of the year I want to make the most of it. This year has been a great milestone for me, so I feel like celebrating a little more than usual. Come spring I will have completed my associates degree in a year and a half! can you believe that?! haha I know I can, because Ive worked my butt off for it. It just feels good. This year has felt good to me. There have been the ups and downs as usual, but as we come to its close it just feels right. I am where I am supposed to be, doing what I am supposed to be doing. I don't think many people can say that. I'm just so grateful for where I am at. I'm happy. I really am happy.

I keep thinking about this quote. Have you all seen "Akeelah and the Bee"? If you havent then you need to. It is one of those movies in which I walked away uplifted. I love movies like that. I want to end with this quote though. I know many of you have heard it. I just want to write it out, and I want to really think more about it before I comment any further. It teaches me a lot about myself. It has so much meaning, and this entry is already long enough....

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. "
-Marianne Williamson

Fire

One bonus feature of being from a family of 9, is that we don't do anything normal. Everything, including eating out, is done on a grand scale. If you want excitement, just walk into my house and I'm sure you will find something to your liking. A minimal task, such as boiling eggs, can turn into a nights adventure. I speak from experience. Tonight was a prime example. "Someone", and i wont name names so as not to embarrass anyone, needed eggs for their Sunday lesson. This person boiled the water, added the eggs, and then somehow got so excited with what they were doing that they just left. Completely understandable. I am sure people have done this before. But as my parents were out and about, my littlest brother screamed that there was smoke. I would have been the responsible one to notice it first, but it smelled like popcorn so I didn't think anything of it. Turn the corner into the kitchen, and BAM haha fire. The eggs exploded all over the kitchen! and I mean ALL over!! and the actual pot couldn't be saved. I quickly called my parents as I instructed people to open windows and doors. My parents weren't home for more than 2 min. when someone screamed there were firemen in our driveway! haha boiling eggs...firemen. Classic. Before the firemen left they gave us all fire hats to remember the experience.

Surviving Saturday

well.. here goes my 1st entry. I cant even begin to describe how weird I think this is, and yet im feeling quite the rush. haha its exciting to know people might be interested in what i have to say. I wish i had earth shattering news, or something to buzz through the gossip channels, but my life is simple. I like it that way. I get excited about simple things, i dress simply, i even consider myself to be a simple minded person. For instance, at the moment the sun is coming in through the large windows in front of me. I cant help but get excited about that, as if its a sign that today might just be a good day after all. Not that it has no hope to be good. I know my title makes it seem like saturdays are horrible, and if I can only get through just this one it will be a miracle. To be honest, I just wanted a word that started with "s" and that was the first thing i could think of. It seems to fit though because at the place I am in life it is all about surviving. I have to survive school, and just life really. Today I am on lock-down mode. The only places in my house I am allowed in are my room, kitchen, and computer room. Obviously the computer room should be off limits too seeing as im sitting here writing about myself instead of 18th century literature. 18th century literature isnt that great anyway. All my classes are starting to lose my interest actually. I thought i enjoyed philosohpy, but now i feel like throwing tomatoes at my professor just so she wont say another word. Same goes for the others, especially spanish. No habla espanol! Other than school my life is...well my life is just school. I do other things too to keep my spirits as high as possible. One being spending time with my favorite person. Collin. He's what my family likes to call my "better half." I cant help but agree. He definately brings out the better side of me, sometimes it even shocks myself. I think about life with him, and I try to think about the most important thing. Like a big reason why he is so important. I discovered last night that it would definately have to be his diligence. Collin knows exactly what he wants. He sees it, and pushes himself towards it, and he never gives up until its complete. He never complains throughout the process either. He does it all with that annoyingly positive outlook on whatever it is that hes trying to accomplish. Once he knows he wants it, he never gives up. I want that. I'm one step ahead on the process however, considering my stubborn streak. Im just so lucky to have him. I'm not easy-i can admitt that. Im just lucky to have someone willing to take it all..my tears, anger spells, annoyingly stubborn behavoir...I could go on haha. He loves it all. what a blessing. life with him is such a blessing, just like this sun still streaming through the window in front of me. he's like this sun, brings nothing but light into my life. life is such a blessing. have a good saturday.